Well sports fans, if you’re expecting uplifting words of praise and love from me today, you’ll be disappointed. I actually laid in bed last night thinking about what I would write about, and my conclusion was that I would write a letter to my ex-boss, Ruby. It’s the exact opposite of this daily prompt, but I figured writing it here anonymously instead of sending it to her withered self would be cathartic enough to give me some closure. Matt, Hutch, and Kate have all told me not to write her a response to the past year of piled on crap and just let bygone’s be bygone’s. This way we all win. I had prepared a five-page, typed, letter that I wanted to go to her…but I deleted it. My insides scream in frustration as I realize I have to start all over again, but try to keep it more concise. So, as I said, if you are in the mood this morning for a nice, feel-good, piece of wisdom…click away…you won’t find that here.
As I sit here, a day to the month after you packed your belongings and left, I blessedly feel more calm than I have in the past year. I feel that my pride, in some way, can not let your abuse go unanswered completely. As I let my fingers caress the keyboard, instead of the banging away that I’ve become accustomed too, I realize that even my hands are under less pressure with you gone.
I must admit that whenever you first started working for my Dad, and with me, you had me completely fooled. I looked up to you as a grandmother figure, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a confidant, the [wo]man in the trenches next to me. It didn’t take long before it dawned on me that you were the last person in the world who could be prevailed upon in any decent way. You took to betrayal and manipulation like a rat takes to the dark and filth. With forty years age difference between the two of us, I really believed you would have some wisdom to share. Sitting here now, I believe you did. The wisdom I have taken from you is how never to be in life. I never want to end of the way you have; withered in body and more importantly the soul, scheming for a living, truly two-faced, shallow, ignorant, childish, pious, and mean. What surprised me the most time after time, with each of your antics, was the mean-spirited pleasures you got from belittling and demeaning me, and genuinely trying to ruin my life.
What woman, honestly, tries to ruin the relationship between father and daughter? Yet, that is what I became to understand, after some time, is what your ultimate goal was. To not only push me out of the office and my family business, but similarly my father’s life and good opinion. You knew, because I confided in you, the toils of my family’s journey. I hadn’t spoken to my father for four years shortly before I joined him here at the firm. Instead of doing what a good “christian” woman would do, you used that as ammunition to further arm your arsenal against me. After you left, I found the huge folder of mistakes you had compiled from me to show my Dad, my boss, as a reason I didn’t belong here. I went through it, feeling the fury building in me blinding me with righteous rage, and finally saw just how far back your hate for me went; almost to the very beginning. That isn’t it, either. You can no longer hide behind your fake exterior and lies. I see below your skin, I see below your layers of bullshit. I saw the emails you sent to my Dad without the gumption to even talk to me about it before-hand, or after, or at the time.
The emails are really what have sent me over the edge. I have known for a very long time that you have whispered poison into Dad’s ear, because I have heard it from him…in what he said, and in what you said to me. You would sneak to him, emailing him and having secret conversations during the day, or calling him after hours. I know you did this. Not only did Dad own up to it, but my loyal brother and sister, would tell me. Ruby, it has taken me over a year to decipher through all the crap and truly see that you are just at the most material of levels, a hateful person. What you would say to him is beyond acceptable, and I admit [and have talked to Dad about it] that Dad participated in it most of the time, in the bashing of me. What I saw, though, was the frustration of a stressed man, with his daughter as an employee, and you using that easy opening as a firing squad, and I was the target. I was the innocent man, blind-folded, unaware of his crimes as you took shot after shot, until everything good I had was dead at your feet. Then you looked back at my Dad, smiling with empathy and “just doing my duty” and accepted his praise and worship for killing the weed.
I have literally read and heard with my own ears the maliciousness you spread to him. You’ve told me that I don’t belong here, that you would make my own dad decide between you or me, I’m not professional, I’m dirty and unhygienic [which is hilarious to all that know me-and because the catalyst to that comment was because I scratched my head in your presence], I’m unwilling to listen, I’m arrogant, for my own Dad to spit on me [twice-once for you], I’m lazy, the weakest link, and oh dear, does it go on. You convinced him to cut my raise in half, that had been hard-earned for over a year, so that I still now after two years make 6.6 dollars an hour. You received your whole raise though, of course. Literally tried to keep him from giving me a raise again this year. You would crucify me for mistakes I made even though I came into this business as a virgin, with no experience, and you, the biblical whore of this work, had spent her entire life doing work similar to this. Yet, when you made a mistake yourself [which was often] you would actually blame it on me. I have actually been there when you did it. I can honestly say that there wasn’t a week that would pass by that you wouldn’t find something to throw me under the bus for, but somehow at the same time making yourself look better. That is the kind of person you are. You want to rise to the top but you step on every person you can to get there. In me, you found the wrong person to step on. It took a while, but with my keeping my nose to the grindstone, working honestly and hard, and biding my time, I finally won. I pride myself on being pretty tough and wholesome. Since I was the sun your planet revolved around the majority of the time you worked here, let’s talk about me for a minute.
I’m twenty years old. I work fifty hours a week, own my own car [which will be paid completely off in December], live on my own with Matt, have lived on my own since I was 17, pay my own bills, and am completely independent. I am responsible for the lives of 30+ clients, and have never messed up so bad that it couldn’t be fixed. As a matter of fact I am well liked and respected by clients, police officers, Assistant District Attorney’s and their assistants, and fellow attorney’s, and recognized as a hard worker. I am by far the youngest person around my vicinity doing the job that I do, and it just so happens I do it better than most of them. My life has been less than ideal. I was called fat and chubby all through school, watched my parents rip themselves apart, and in doing so watched as my family disintegrated before my eyes. We were drug through the court system that I know and work in today, and watched as my mother and father both were humiliated publicly, and forced us to choose sides. I helped raised my younger brother and sisters when my mom was incapable of doing so, and helped my sister raise her daughter and son when she needed the extra help, as a single mother usually will. I still to this day deal with the drama of my broken family. I have overcome sickness my whole life, being sickly as a child, and now living with two herniated disks in my back, a chronic bladder problem [not inconsistency people], and now problems with my cervix. I’ve watched my brother and cousin go off to a brutal war, in a constant state of not knowing whether they would survive their tour. At twenty years old, I have survived this, still able to be complimented at the gas station by a man saying I always had the most beautiful smile on my face, and yet your words, like knives, still hurt me.
After a year of you compiling your ammunition against me, and fueling my Dad’s easy-to-light-fire of temper, you put it all on the line. When I finally, expressed the tiniest of feelings to my Dad, while doing something you were too cowardly to do; including you in my correspondence to him [cc’ing you in my email to him at the end of one exhausting and tiring days]. That was too much for you. My expression of feelings and opinion, and your managerial abilities, was too much for you to handle. You walked out, while my Dad was literally begging you to stay, blaming it all on me. You said that as long as I was here, you wouldn’t be. Dad didn’t bite though did he, bitch? You left, and here I still stand. Your leaving was an act of a desperate woman, starved for the entirety of her boss’s attention, hoping to force him to fire her competition. Nope. Needless to say, you wrote him a week after you quit, saying you were crying, and still talking crap about me, and he lost a hard worker, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, Ruby? It’s been a month since you quit. We are still standing, and doing well. I am thriving in your absence. I can breathe, because I know if I mess up…it won’t be used as a reason I should be executed, but as it should be; a means for learning. I know that my Dad, and my boss, can see me now for who I really am, and how I really work. I’m kicking your ass and you’re not even here.
I truly hope you are sitting at home with your husband who is too nice for you, and who you truly do not deserve [considering the times you’ve told me you wish you had stayed married to your ex-husband because he had so much money now]. I hope your eyes are swollen with crying, your six cats decided to not use the litter box, your unemployment [that you don’t damn deserve….you quit!!] is ripped out from under your feet, you can’t find another job or you have to move, and you sit in your cold lonely little world. Most of all, I hope you think of me. I hope you curse my existence, and hate my face. I hope my face and my laugh haunts your dreams. I hope you drive by and see me walking to my car, or to the office, and your hands tighten on the steering wheel as you boil in jealousy and shame. I hope when I am done writing this, I can finally let go of my anger towards you, and I never think on you again.
Maybe years down the road I’ll send this to you, but I don’t think I will. I think I will rise above you and let you wallowing in what’s left of your life be my justice and vengeance. I will leave the office today with a smile on my face because I know when I return before the dawn break’s tomorrow, I will be able to work without seeing you waltz through the front door. Goodbye, once and for all Ruby. I can honestly say, it was not a pleasure knowing you, and I hope we don’t see each other again soon.