My mentor of the moment depends on the day, time, place, topic, etc. I use everyone around me to be my mentor; my adviser. There are certain people I will go to for specific topics. For instance, if I had a question about sex or my relationship with Matt, I would go to Kate or Drew. I go to Hutch and Abigail a lot with family issues. I talk with Atticus and Matt’s mom about work, money, and “grown-up” issues. Matt is my confidant on everything, not just one thing. It’s not that I’m dependent, and can’t make decisions for myself but an abusive two-year relationship screwed me up, and now it’s like I have to bounce my ideas off people around me to make sure I’m thinking straight.
A good example is yesterday when I found out that my ex-boyfriend (from the two-year abusive relationship) had lost his father this past week. I had known the man for two years, although during mine and Ex’s relationship he was never cordial or pleasant, and instead he usually was one of the forces pulling us apart. Still, I felt in a way that I owed Ex my condolences. I know that I am one of the most impulsive decision makers out there, but I’m working on it. I asked Meryl, Atticus, Josh, Kate, Hutch, Matt, and Abigail what they thought the right thing to do was. The only reason I didn’t ask Drew is because her phone is turned off. Anyways, the whole consensus was to just leave it alone, which is what I did.
Anytime I am having a hard time with work or with Atticus (and when it used to be with Ruby before she quit) we would all congregate at Kate’s house and discuss it in great lengths over a cigarette. I still do this now, but we are missing one of the members to our close-knit unit; my cousin (let’s call him Bruce) who just got out of the Marine’s and moved up north, back home. Bruce is actually how I met Matt, but that is a story for another day. It became regular routine for me to use the people around me as sounding boards for my ideas to get their opinion and help me make up my mind. Sometimes, I just like people to talk to so I can vent and come up with the answer on my own.
It’s fair because they in turn come to me for advice and to vent about their days. I’m the middle sibling, therefore all of my siblings (except Josh-my older brother) come to me. Matt obviously does, and interestingly enough so does Atticus. I’m used to being an ear and think-tank for my parents. I treasure each time they do, even though sometimes it may seem like they have the most inconvenient timing. I wouldn’t trade their confidence for anything. I like to think they come to me because I have wonderful, worldly, down-to-earth, and wise advice. *Insert smug smile* Nah, but seriously I’m pretty good at guidance, when people actually listen. The majority of the time people come to me for advice, they don’t listen anyways. Why do people do that? Waste of time.
The act of being a mentor/mentored adds a level of trust and acceptance, that without it you don’t have. Any time you share your thoughts and troubles with those around you, you receive a deeper relationship (in whatever form that comes in for you) then if you don’t. I cherish all of my mentors, in all their wacky manifestations. I know they relish their time with me too, because…who wouldn’t? =]